Have you ever lost yourself? Whether due to parenting, being a spouse, a sibling, a friend or even at work. As we grow older, we find our days filled with must dos and should dos, rather than the fulfilling things we used to do. No, I am not saying any of the above chapters of your life aren’t fulfilling. But ask yourself, what are your hobbies currently? What were they before you became that parent, that partner, that best-friend, the office workaholic? In honesty, I don’t recall much about my hobbies before becoming a parent. And please don’t get me wrong, I love this chapter of my life. I love watching my children grow, though time can slow down please. But it seems like there are not enough hours in the day.
The dreams and passions I had previously before entering this chapter, seems like a blur. I recall loving my passion for flowers. Starting my first job as a teenager in high school, at a local flower shop owned by a friend’s dad. I learned my love for events, handing a bride her bouquet, watching a young man contemplate what he’d like to write on the card with the bouquet for his girlfriend or wife. It wasn’t all balloon bouquets and smiles. There were difficult times, sitting with a grieving family with losses at any age. It taught me compassion, it taught me fine details, it taught me the beauty of nature as well. Learning the names of all the flowers, cutting the thrones off the roses and sometimes being pricked by one.
As the children came, the dancing turned into a living room dance rocking a baby. Painting turned into finger paints and hand prints to remember how tiny my children’s hands and feet were. My passions turned from night-life, the social life, to mom life. To learn different recipes and kids’ games. It turned to trying to be everything for everyone around me. Helping hands for neighbors, being the safe house for all the children to hang out at and have snacks. It turned into anxiety of wanting perfection. To put a mask on my tired face and smile as I come up with a new adventure. It turned into losing my passions instead of teaching some of these passions to my children.
In 2018, I became pregnant with our son, Isaac, and medical problems arose. The fast pace-life of working doubles, of constantly trying to keep up a social life and keep a household running, took a turn. Isaac was holding on, I was in fear of losing him and trying to balance bed rest and being a mother to two young daughters (4 years and 7 years old). I forgot my passions that made me smile and focused on trying to maintain a perfection that in honesty was far from it. There is no such thing as perfect. There is being present, there is showing up and there is learning. As I said in a previous post, we grow up with our children. We learn with our children. During this time I learned many things, including finding a hobby that I could do to brighten people’s days. A hobby that wasn’t tiring for my body. Something that showed my creativity. Crocheting.
It was a rough start. My blankets weren’t fully square, and my colors didn’t blend. But it takes practice and patience. Which patience is something I have little of sadly. But I try, I learn and I apologize.
I started with blankets and moved onto characters. I found a passion I loved again, creative just like the flower shop. Something that could be a keepsake for others. It brought me happiness. My plate is full these days, as full as my heart, spilling over. From helping others, to trying to be the best mother I can become, but also from learning to see myself again. To look in the mirror and remember I too have passions. I, too, can be happy doing something that relaxes me but also shows beauty in the simpler things. Some may say it’s an old lady’s hobby, it may have originated to make clothing and blankets many years ago, and still does. It has expanded with the new generations pushing the limits, from hats, blankets and scarfs to your child’s favorite character, home decor and much more. It has turned into a small business, entrepreneurship for some of us. It has brought happiness to my soul and to others.
Unraveling the point of this post, your passions may not be the same as they were growing up or even as a young adult. But you must find these passions, you must hold onto the fact that there are no perfections. Do not let social media photos and posts mislead you. Behind every screen, someone is trying to remember who they are, what they love to do, and they too may have messes, stress, anxiety and depression. Society doesn’t speak enough about this. When I first moved into my home 3 years ago, I wanted that perfection look. The house has to be perfectly clean, the children’s hair done and myself put together before anyone enters the house. As if there were no bumps in the morning rush to get ready or spills from accidents. Learning to say “accidents happen” rather than yelling at my children. Stop with perfection and find yourself, your happiness, whether in a craft, a good book, traveling or just loving yourself more!
Melissas-Miles 