Posted in FAMILY TIME, Mom life, Questions, Summerfun, travel

Our summer bucket-list 2017

The pitter patter of your feet upon the sidewalk as you race me to the house brings flash backs and realization that your time as a child is speeding by. I’ve always wanted to be that mother, the kind of mother that my children were proud of. That the first day of school they’d be asked what did you do this summer? Their response full of excitement and happiness as they spoke of the many magical places they saw. Next year Isabella will be in first grade… Boy did the time fly by. I can remember our first trips… Just you and I, as we adventured to D.C and New York and our many trips to West Palm. It seems like yesterday we were listening to music heading down the 417, snacks in hand and smiles on our faces.

Not only is Isabella growing up too quickly in my eyes, so is my sweet baby girl Elleanna. To tell you girls the truth, you will always be mommy’s baby girls (whether you like it or not ha-ha). Elleanna began daycare/school this spring and will be attending throughout the summer while I am working. Another reason why I would like to make the best of our summer. My chunky monkey is now walking, talking and climbing trees!

So let’s begin our summer bucket list on a budget! We have about 9-10 weekends together during this time, as well as my Thursday’s off which is about 10 as well. Where can we go? What will we see? What adventures await to be added to the wall of family fun?

I’ve been doing research into the Turtle Hospital in Key west as well as the aquarium. That would be a perfect weekend get away.. Due to the fact the distance is around six to seven hours driving time (ouch!).

Cocoa Beach, Florida April 2017

I’ve also been looking into the springs around Florida and beaches.

  • Silver Springs: Glass bottom boat tours, canoe and kayak rentals. (Those might not be great for the children, but more research to come.)
  • Rainbow springs: Swimming, tubing, snorkeling, hiking with gardens and waterfalls. (This could be a more family friendly activity.)
  • Saniable Island Beach ( which is about a four to five hour trip to both Saniable and Captiva.)
  • Captiva Island which is north of Saniable (both locations would be wonderful for the shell seeking children I have.)
  • St Augustine: Ghost tours and the Fort as well as the oldest wooden school house. Many historical sights as well as memories of my childhood trips with my Auntie and Mother.

As you can see I’m just beginning my research on some outdoor activities and places to take the children this summer. If you have any other ideas or perfect places to show the children please comment below. Here’s to keeping the children outside and away from technology to make memories because we all know that we don’t have many summers left until they are grown and no longer wanting to be around mommy. I dread the day they tell me they don’t want to cuddle or not to kiss them at school.






Posted in FAMILY TIME, Guilt, Mom life, Questions, Uncategorized

Lets get honest: fighting myself

I watch you as you sleep… Slowly breathing as you hug your teddy bear a bit closer. A smile plastered upon my face, God has blessed me with my children. As I scan the room the motherly instincts kick in, lift that leg back onto the bed and cover your sister with a blanket. She’s a ninja in her sleep fighting what I can only hope are lollipops and gum drops. I think about what your future holds for you, what do you want to be when you grow up; only hoping you’ll make leaps over the obstacles that seem to have kept your mother at a stand still.


The day has been a bit of a blur by now, filled with questions like did I shampoo my hair or just condition it or did I just shampoo twice? As those five to ten minutes I’m trying to find myself the silent moment reminds me there will be but a nightmare awaiting when I step out of the steam. Brought to my attention will be another piece of art that wouldn’t have to be hung. A toilet full of bubbles or those toys I just organized made their way down stairs spread as a master piece on my to do list before bed. I’ve missed out on this a time or two… To be honest a lot. Working long hours I missed those moments of cuteness because if I say brats I will be scolded and told “They are just children”. It’s been about two months without work, dragging my right foot along. Waiting anxiously to go back to work I caught up on the “I love you”, hugs and kisses. Which of course came along with tantrums and puppy dog eyes; praying to God that I can get through the grocery store without the entire community noticing my frumpy clothes and messy bun. If anyone asks its laundry day!

Everyone always uses the line “everything happens for a reason” but do they ever actually know what it means? Well after this experience I’m embracing a lot more, putting myself in God’s hands and rolling with the plan that is more then what I can imagine. As many of my friends and family can tell I’ve embraced a bit more, praying more; which I know isn’t everyone’s life but for me it’s a sense of freedom. The weight on my shoulder’s has been drowning me as I stretched my arms out for some balance. I found that balance now, realizing I was drowning myself in my own demons. Pushing myself thinking I was doing the best for my daughters but missing out on everything that was important to them.


Girls time, nail painting and story time we’re making up on. Burnt toast for breakfast and lets not get into dinner. Salad anyone? Trying a bit harder to be that motherly, wife type… It’s so not EASY! Early morning of rubbing my eyes as I scramble eggs, up late washing work and school clothes to be laid out on chairs and wondering what will be for lunch; my mind doesn’t shut off as I lay in bed. How do women do it as stay at home moms and wife’s I wonder… I find it a very impossible task to complete the dishes and make sure that the clothes finish washing, all while trying to cook a meal that will be delicious or edible to my five year old. Chicken nuggets and fries are not a meal I would like her to eat daily; branching her off seems like an obstacle on top of the many I already am playing in my head. These include most that are made up scenarios that lead my actions and words to speak on whole new levels that my heart doesn’t back up.


Fighting these evils within my own mind, constantly putting myself down whether body image or work ethic along with life choices. Clearing my mind as I watch you sleep another night laying next to me as my keyboard clicks away; out of the corner of my eye I watch your hand reach for a safety to know I am near.


How do we clear our minds to find peace? To fight against ourselves to remember we are our largest threat to ourselves, our relationships, happiness and over all life. Embrace the everything happens for a reason because I know if eight weeks ago I didn’t break my foot life maybe A LOT different and confronting some of the evils that was tearing my family apart may have never happened. At the end of the day count your blessings and in the morning remember it’s a new day to be a better you, go with the flow even though you have a plan there is greatness that is waiting for you around each corner. Though some doors may close you will be forced in a different direction know that you can make the best out of it which can lead to far better outcomes that you I’m sure may have never seen coming.

Posted in Guilt, Mom life, Questions, Uncategorized

Confessions of a crazed mother: She’s back…


“Uh hello? Anybody out there?” As the kids movie plays in the background I stare at a horrific sight in the mirror. A messy mom bun is what I’m rocking these days, with matching bags of darkness laying underneath my eyes. My fashion has taken a drastic turn for the worst as the nightmare of myself stares at the frumpy t-shirt that once was my boyfriends. I wonder if I will ever feel comfortable in styles of a pre-baby body.. The hustle and bustle of the mom life has taken form around me without any survivors. My hair isn’t the shiny work of art and my make up is smeared or forgotten. Clothes have become a reminder that I will spend the next eight to thirteen hours in a place that see’s no sunlight.

As I rub my eyes in amazement how I allowed myself to be forgotten, like the Bermuda triangle everything that was once what made me is now lost never to be found… Or so I thought.

I watch as the people around me laugh and smile while I run tray after tray of beverages and think wow I wish I could look like that. I wish the laughter in my soul would escape its prison of shadows and remind me of the light that I carry within myself.


I’ve carried children and have began to raise them, hoping everyday that I am doing something right. That one day my girls will see the strength of providing and know that I love them beyond any definition. But to love someone you must first love yourself I have been told; though after the years of late nights and early mornings. The long days have taken a toll on me, my dreams have become buried in the pile of clothes on the bed waiting to be put away. My looks have become but a memory in a picture show that my daughter’s say “awh” and “wow” at. Where has Melissa gone?

The dishes lay piled from the night before, and the clothes neatly packed (stuffed) in the hamper… “Are those dirty or clean?… Maybe I should wash them again just in case.” The walls of our townhouse have been newly designed by my two year old and a marker. “Where did she find that?”

“Did you hear that?… Yeah silence…Where are the kids?”… This is my mommy life.

So here’s my confessions…

I stare at my reflection and miss my old body. I have thoughts of what it would be like if I looked like I really wanted to. My hair done… Make-up perfect and that chub from post-babies disappeared. “Oh what it would feel like to fit in jeans with no muffin top or saggy butt!”

I find myself jealous of those who work so hard and watch what they eat, while on the other hand I am working hard to pay the bills. I find myself getting out of work at all hours of the night. I think about how bad I want a healthy body that I love but then my stomach begins to rumble. It’s 11:30pm at night which is way past any healthy time of eating and what is opened? I pass so many fast food restaurants on the way home and even when I order a salad I know it is no good and a pile of fried chicken lays on top of the greens. Drinking soda throughout the day to stay awake from long nights of Elleanna not sleeping to early mornings to get Isabella ready for school. I have become a walking zombie. The reflection in the mirror is a horrifying sight.

So what do I do from here….

An amazing friend offered to do my hair, as he is practicing. I don’t think I have felt that beautiful in years… As he trimmed and layered my hair I felt a piece of myself come back.


A crooked smile upon my face I couldn’t be happier or more thankful for Craig and his amazing work. As I start to piece myself back together I realize that school is very important and I miss studying (I know weird right?!) so here I go signing up for loans and grants to begin the last couple courses I have left to finish my degree. Another check off the back to Melissa list. Signed up for a gym… Went once….. In two weeks… So that check is only half done.

“You don’t need to be helped any longer, you’ve always had the power…”


How do you take care of yourself?

Do you pamper yourself?

Do you find yourself envying another for their life, looks or just thinking that the grass is greener on the other side?