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Confessions of a crazed mother: tired and off course

The pitch black of the hallway outside my bedroom door sends shivers up my spine. The silence of the house opens my mind to the many stresses, the wonders and the doubts. My eyelids heavy with another passing day, my head throbbing like I have a mini drummer making music; I count my blessings. I count my stresses… My failures.

The soft pillow underneath my head and my favorite cuddly blanket I try to find my happy place. I’ve made it through another day. The trash is picked up, the children are bathed and I have made my appearance at work again. I’ve strayed off path… As though a fork in the road is ahead of me I find that I may have chosen the wrong way. Working each day I find myself wiping the tears from my babies faces,”When I’m off again we’ll do something fun, I wont work too late.” As though I am lying between my teeth I count the bills in my head. I lie to myself even, “After I get this bill paid we can go get a surprise…”. Truth is that is very far down the road.

Bed time stories and movie nights have become but a memory, the nightmares of a stressful night have become but a present state of mind.

My confession:

I am trying my best like many parents are. We are working multiple jobs or long hours with many days. We find that we are doing what we can to provide a safe home, food on the table and clothes on their backs. But we have allowed the stress to overwhelm us and take our emotions.

After a long day at work, in a business that is very people oriented, we come home to a messy house and children hyper. Though we know they are hyper that we are home, play time with mommy (and/or daddy) we have run out of patients. The smallest things set us off from stepping on a toy you asked to be put away or finding an article of clothing on the floor. 

Truth…

It’s not their fault. I am allowing the demons in the night and day to whisper in my ear. I have found myself off course… Maybe I have been off this course for many years now. It’s time to find strength, happiness and get back on track. The map I have been reading is wrong and I am choosing to create a path back in the right direction. Time to get back to bedtime stories, Friday movie nights and playground trips. This mommy is ready to take off on a swing, reach the clouds and be a little closer to the many blessings ahead as well as currently with me.

 

Thank you to a new friend for giving me

some hope and strength today.

Don’t ever change that kind heart of yours.

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Disney on Ice: Follow Your Heart

I am a Feld Entertainment Blogger Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts in attending shows and reporting my opinion within this blog, as well as keeping you advised of the latest discount offers, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and other exclusive opportunities.

There’s no confusion here I am excited to say that the girls and I have an amazing opportunity to see some of our favorite Disney Characters show off their moves on the Ice. I cannot wait to be able to be “whooa” once again by an amazing performance from such characters as Nemo and Dory. Though my hopes are that I will be reunited with my best friend Crush. “Cause we were like, ‘who0ooa,” and I was like, ‘whooooa.’ and you were like, ‘whooooaaa…”

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“Oh, boy! This is gonna be good, I can tell.”

“I am Merida, firstborn descendant of Clan Dunbroch. And I’ll be shooting FOR MY OWN HAND!” How can you not get chills as well as being proud of a young lady standing up for her own future. To see Merida on the ice shooting her bow will be a jaw dropping experience.

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Merdia will not be the only young woman otherwise known as Princess to take charge of her own future. “I’ve heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father’s armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the  Chinese Army, destroyed my palace, and… you have saved us all.” As you have read we will be seeing the extraordinary Mulan.

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“Sheriff, this is no time to panic.” As you have guessed Buzz and Woody along with Jessie will be telling their story on the big ice. “If you’ve got troubles, I’ve got’em too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together, we can see it through cause you’ve got a friend in me.” Is one of my children’s favorite songs, as the music plays I wouldn’t doubt that we will be singing along as well.

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From the adventures of Flynn and Rapunzel to the true love story of Beauty (Bell) and the Beast, we will be taken into our favorite story books. Living our favorite movies for an unforgettable evening with magical, heartwarming characters that will take us out of our chairs and dance to the music.

As one of the eight Disney On Ice productions I am thrilled to be beggining our count down for our enchanting experience as well as my fellow readers. Below you will find a button that will lead you to a four ticket give away thanks to Feld Entertainment. Please take a chance to watch the show with family and friends. I was also provided with a 20% off selected seats to a show you do not want to miss.

Save 20% off select seats with code SAVE20. Not valid on premium VIP seating.  Hurry for the best available seats! Code expires September 1, 2016.

Here’s your chance, look below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

 

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You are my world.

I fall upon my knees and begin to pray… I’m praying for a better life for my children and I. I’m praying for more days spent like these. The little fingers between mine as I hear your small voice “mommy love you”. It’s days like these I live for, though its few as I work to provide the very best for you. I sometimes wonder if it is the very best. A clean house and full fridge and clothes in the drawers is what I’m wishing for these days but as I drag myself up from the ground I remember the wash was left without being dried and now has that lovely musty smell. I remember that I forgot to get cheese for the sandwiches and that the kids room needs a good carpet clean. But where is the time?

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My emotions are all over the place from being proud of the fact my children are becoming more independent and that I am working harder then I ever have in my life to provide what I can for them alone. To the fact that I am upset that there is no relief. I cannot have my sick days because the bills are late and I am making sure they ate while I’m wondering what time it is in the darkness of a restaurant. As a waitress I live day to day, tip to tip and my hours are never consistent. I hugged my oldest so tight the other morning as she begged me to stay home from work; it was my sixth day in a row and she was still sleepy. I squeezed her face as she begged me to stay home, one more kiss after the last one more kiss I keep saying. The tears filling my eyes while I watch her tears fall. Does it have to be this hard?

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I leave pictures of my girls in my check presenter that I use to take orders. Each time I open I get a glance and remember why I am there, why I am taking attitudes and trying to make even just one persons day a little brighter. Don’t get me wrong though my job is very demanding and I could be replaced in a blink of an eye I hope that deep down I am doing something to make a difference. The crying child at my table over tired from a missed nap, that’s you Elle, as I kneel down and begin to interact with the child. Coloring and asking them to find the characters on their coloring sheet. As I watch an older sibling try to help their brother or sister I see the love in their eyes just like my oldest, Isabella. Though I am not seeing my children during my long shifts at work I have a constant reminder of why I am there.

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My phone is full of pictures from Halloween to the little amount of time we are off together. Play ground trips and girls nail time at home I flip through each as I lay exhausted in bed. You are my future and all my wishes and dreams have turned into hoping you make larger steps then I ever did. You are my world, my sunshine on a rainy day and my reason for each exhausting step I take dragging myself through my day.

 

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