Posted in FAMILY TIME, griefe, Guilt, Mom life

Confessions of a crazed mother: Bedrest

Unforeseen was the commotion of a weekend she thought would go so smoothly. As she packed up her belongings, memories and cherished photos she held close to her heart the tears built up in her eyes. She worked so hard for everything in that home; as she grabbed children’s toys, articles of clothing and random items that were stored away in closests she looked at them carefully. A box lay infront of her and a trash bag beside she had to decide which memories were of importance to her and her family in the future. The trash bin outside grew like a mountain with her children’s toys that were long forgotten, clothing that hadn’t fit since before children and papers of all the writings she had scribbled down over the years.

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The walls of the home stored stories of times of joy; from the first turn of the key to the very first home to the sadness of losing loved ones and family disagreements. It was becoming a bitter moment. The memories like a tsunami took over, looking in the upstairs closet she remembered the little pitter patter of the girls feet as they ran in the large walk-in closet. How small they were when we moved in; Elleanna was but one and a half and Isabella was only four… The age Elleanna is now as the boxed tower in the living room and their bedroom.

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The next few hours were out of one’s mind. Throwing away as much as possible knowing there were but a short time before the family showed up to help pack the memories in a storage unit.. Stress running high, arguments of help overcoming the joy of what the future would be holding. As family arrived embarrassment that the house was still unready; thinking that it would be an easy task was now a laughable moment to look back on. Though the nerve-racking moments were about to come. As an overwhelming unpleasant feeling took over my body I knew something wasn’t right. After finding the unpleasant red I was rushed to the hospital by my mother and aunt in tears. Feeling the past was reliving itself the negative thoughts were clouding my mind. Hours of testing from sonograms that were unseen by my eyes due to their fear of anything being wrong to Iv’s and nurse visits all I kept asking was to know the baby was there..  I just wanted to know that; if told that the baby was there with a heartbeat I could calm a bit but they didn’t give me that satisfaction. After five hours the news that the baby was currently alright but with complications that took lifting, bending, walking much and stress out of my abilities. Do they not know me? Stress is a major portion of my life!

We headed home with my mind unable to wrap around the fact I couldn’t lift Elleanna or that I would be out of work for some time. A follow up doctors appointment was made to further inform me of my and the baby condition. Two days later I sat in the cold doctors office; my mind wondering around with questions. As the doctor opened the door with paper work in hand he was smiling. How could he be smiling this was not a moment for smiles in my opinion. He said have you been on the bed rest? Not stressing? I laughed “I’m doing it to the best of my abilities but stress under these circumstances is high.”

It was a moment of complete confusion as he said all the “doctor terms” I sat with a blank stare… “Can you repeat that in English now?” With the printed information he circled what the main concerns were. The heart rate at 157 I was just happy to know that the baby was there and that as long as I did everything. I could that it would have a better chance of less complications.

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The days went by, bored out of my mind and unable to pick up Elleanna when she cried for me broke my heart; but I knew I had to do whatever I needed for our baby. As someone usually working five to six days a week, school pick ups, grocery store trips and the busy life of a mother after work came to a halt. Unable to push a vacuum I started to feel trapped. The negativity clouding my mind I felt so alone; though with family help and Geraldo’s I still felt like no one understood my mindset.

How can I turn this bed rest into something positive? As the girls hugged my legs, my stomach and told me how much they loved me I saw the positive side. For many years I have been unable to fully be attentive to them, stressed from the busy life of work and traveling around to get the kids to and from and the items we needed for the house. This was an opportunity to read books, to watch them play in the yard and see how much they really have grown over the years. This was a time to enjoy the less hectic life I have come so accustomed to… But would I be able to?

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Author:

Hi everyone, My name is Melissa; I'm a mother of two beautiful girls, Elleanna and Isabella and a son on the way. I'm also a girlfriend of a wonderful man named Geraldo. I'm originally from upstate New York but have moved around a bit in the past seven years. First was Florida where I met Geraldo and where my girls were born and we tried our luck in Southern Maryland. Now we are back home in Florida where we belong. This is my view on life, my family adventures, my adventures but most importantly my life.

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