FAMILY TIME, Guilt, Mom life, Uncategorized

So this is it…

So this is what thirty years of experience is… Alright let’s be honest, it’s not experience; it’s a shit show of an obstacle course you never trained for. From stumbling through motherhood to awkward “let’s make friends” because it’s not school days anymore. I have no idea what I am doing, but I sure as shit won’t tell my children that! It’s been a whirlwind of the year thus far and please whatever you do, do not say what could happen next!

As the nights grow closer to the big 3-0 I look over my life and think about the what if’s and decisions that have been made. At the end of the day all the wrong turns, detours, bumps in the road led me to my three beautiful (rambunctious) children. Each thought, decision and choice makes you think twice or more because now it’s not just your future you are stumbling through. You are creating the beginning of their stories. Will they be written as a dull never thrilling journey or will they cross oceans of wonder? Then we sit there and critique what we thought was the correct choice but somehow blew up in your face; or in my case most of the time tears from my child. They say don’t coddle, then it’s don’t be too tough; then you wonder if you have created a mass murdered as he swings the toy frying pan at his sister. Who would have thought Rapunzel would be too violent for the young two year olds mind?

Let’s just throw that into your 30 year melt down; your baby is turning 2! Where did the time go, between teaching kids to swim and the end of the world happening outside the front door. Let’s remember the new normal is purse, wallet, debit card, sanitizer, gloves and mask. Whatever you do, do not sneeze in public! The new birthday norm is FaceTiming family, drive by present drop and canceling plans. Well my son might not get all the people that love him in the same house for the day, or following weeks; but what he will get is a day full of Toy story with a cake made by Mama. Yes, y’all better pray for this mama! YouTube you have become the new hallmark with unrealistic expectations of myself and my cakes outcome. All jokes aside there may or may not be photos of that further in the week.

Then you make a decision to sign back up for college; so in the midst of two children learning virtually from home and a toddler running the house let’s through in some Business Statistics. After making this decision and your nine year old over hearing the question of you didn’t finish school, why are you going and what’s for dinner comes up? Let’s just skip the first two and figure dinner out? Nah it’s not that simple to distract you these days child? Daaayyyuuummmm… Could this be an early midlife crisis or you just trying to find a way to better your life and your children’s? Well like all journeys in my book we’ll see how this one plays out? Fingers crossed no crashing and burning but only tears of joy!

I recently saw a quote…

“How can you complain about your plate being too full when the goal was to eat?”

Well if that doesn’t stir up a fire in me to do even more… Ontop of wanting to expand my small business, starting college (again) and trying to figure this balancing mother act out let’s take on the fact that turning 3-0 has me looking in the mirror.

“ Woman start taking care of yourself!”

How do so many balance their schedule between jobs and school, kids and travel to wind up in the gym with a full moisturizer-facial routine and perfected the makeup skill. I feel like I’m still in elementary playing in my mother’s makeup bag. I truly give all these women props, but as I stare in the mirror that guilt of who am I, where has the true me gone and is there a new and improved version of myself minus the thousands of dollars in plastic surgery. I may or may not have researched some aspects of change I would like. So yes as I stare in the mirror I realize this is it… For now the best is yet to come!



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