The sensation of being a working mother again is coming rushing back like a tidal wave; finding myself crushed with mixed emotions. How I crave my independence once again I find myself yearning for the moments of watching my children laugh and play. What if I miss out of her first steps? Like a small child taunting me I find myself taunting myself, remembering what I missed out on with my oldest daughter. Will I miss these precious, once in a life-time moments with Elleanna? But here’s my escape, a time to converse with adults about something other than my children; though I do believe they will be my main topic. Here’s my opportunity though to reinvent myself, no longer held back by the obstacle of everyone knowing who I am… I can change my look, my attitude, my life. It begins here.
We’ve been here a short period already though it seems as if time is flying by; watching all the children I feel as if I have aged myself in these few weeks. It’s time to get on our grind, make our money and save for a future home. So we set off earlier in the week, resumes in hand we began from flower shops to restaurants and ending at the mall I found where I belong. Such a mesmerizing place for some, a place to relax or to spend that hard-earned money is just where I belong. With pervious experience with retail I find myself with a desire eating at me to get back into retail. After speaking to a few shops, handing in resumes and leaving numbers there’s a bite. They might just want me. A store I find myself in since I was a preteen and teenager into adulthood is giving me an opportunity to prove myself and to enrich their store with my knowledge from my many previous jobs. With my nerves on edge I wait an entire weekend for my second interview with the manager, finding myself dressed up in this amazing Jennifer Lopez dress and Forever Twenty One sandals I greet the manager. Come to find out we were there to speak about my availability due to the fact he already likes my character, my charm, my style… Ok maybe I am getting ahead of myself. Needless to say I have the job!
So now a week later I find myself with the same nervousness as before but this time I feel as if someone is sitting on my chest. Anxiety building I find myself eager to begin while apprehensive about leaving my daughters. This hadn’t been a problem for me with my oldest after the initial shock of going back to work when she was four months old but this time I had more bonding time… And when I say bonding time I mean the type of feedings are different, the co-sleeping and the fact I have Geraldo at my side. I’m not doing this alone.
Awoken with a weird feeling, a feeling of this is my last day.. By that I mean my last day off for we don’t know how long. When will I sleep without an alarm on again!? And is this really happening? Is everything falling into place… I cross my fingers for the sake of my girls, for the sake of my sanity and the sake of us as a family. Unaware of what is to come today we manage to get the girls up and dressed, our new bedding on and our room moved around. Then the impromptu of our family emerges, we find ourselves stumbling over one another to pack snacks and showers along with rounding up these four energetic girls. Let’s hit the mall…
After walking around the mall for just moments our family of ocho finds itself in Aeropostal, searching through sales bins and looking at all the deals… It seems as all the adults are finding something. Trying on all the shorts, pants and shirts I breath in a little… It’s a rough situation for me putting these clothes on after two children, my sizes just aren’t the same. But I find myself happily trying more and more on, becoming a little more confident. Like I previously said “no longer held back by the obstacle of everyone knowing who I am…” I can change my appearance and how I look at myself and how I eat, work out and do everyday things. But the excitement then rushes back to me, I’m not just looking for everyday clothing, these are my work clothes! Comfortable and casual.
So now after the joys of spending the day at the mall and each member of this family of ocho getting something they need, thanks to Grandpa and MeMe; we find ourselves starving ending up our evening at Famous Dave’s for a late dinner. Then home to put the kiddies to bed including myself, a big day lies ahead of me tomorrow. My first day at work for Aeropostal!
Melissas-Miles 