FAMILY TIME, Guilt, Questions

Confessions of a crazed mother: Part two

Fold the laundry, feed the kids and don’t forget the baths. Rushed out the door, packed into the van and we’re on the go. It begins, whines from bath time to hair up do’s and now I hear “Mommy snack… Snack mommy!” coming from the far back seat. The life of a mother where does it begin?

I’m not a new mother, I’ve been doing this for a while now with Isabella turning four this March you would think I knew how to handle most situations… But I don’t, who really does honestly? This is my confession of a crazed mother with crying stuck in her mind like a song on replay.

Isabella has become whiner then ever and that says a lot; since day one that Geraldo came into our life she was more clingy but what daughter/mother bond doesn’t have that line. Don’t cross that line whatever you do because daughters don’t play fair, Geraldo has found that out. Isabella has always had her hair pulled, brushed and braided, played with and put up since she was born. (This girl was Terk from Tarzan). What has changed other than the length of her hair and her age? Oh and that lovely three-teen attitude.

cry 3

Along with the cling of her younger sister, Elleanna, I find the only time I don’t have the replaying of whining in my head is at work. Though there I get to hear the unhappy chatter whether coworker or a table I may have forgotten to bring extra napkins to; I find it to be a little peaceful get away. While I worry away about Elle’s milk intake and Isabella’s bed time; what they had for dinner and if they have warm pajamas on… The worries of a working mother making enough to get by but I don’t want to be that mother anymore. I’m striving for my college homework to be over, to find a substitute teaching position while advancing my education but I hear “Ma Ma, Mommy, Mom, HEY YOU!” in my ear… I know I’m not alone with these issues but I need to find the appropriate way to handle this. Is it the attention that Isabella is craving, is Elleanna not getting enough foods? This constant up every hour during the night when she’s turning one in November seems like something her older sister never did.

So here’s my guilt once again:

The fact I am no longer home to put pajamas on the girls, read their nightly book and kiss them goodnight. The fact that I am losing my mind one day at a time, looking for a place to hide… I’m trying to make the best of our situations, trying to give everything I can and then some. I want my girls to go to school feeling pretty and not just thrown together. I want to know that they are sleeping well through the night, no nightmares and warm curled up in their beds. I want to drive to the store and walk through the store without a three-teen melt down.


Here’s the story of THREE-TEEN:

Isabella, Elleanna and I went with Meme and the girls around after school; I should have known better than to think Isabella wouldn’t have a melt down after such a long eventful day at class. She saw the container of Mc Donalds fries that Meme and I had purchased while the girls were away… Begging for fries from the back seat, crying pleading for more once given the very last. When I made my way to her to calm her she kicked her shoes off and began becoming upset over that. There was no calming, there was no hope of her settling down. After which we decided to not go to Toy-r-us but to head home, while on a back road we spotted a newly opened Panda Express with a Panda dressed up outside, now the whining of wanting to see the Panda which then lead to a very upset Careena, a screaming
Hailee wanting the panda in the car with us and a crying Isabella when we drove away to go home.

Our responses “We can ask Santa for a Panda bear if we are good girls…”, “Panda had to take a potty break.”…


My heartache:

Elleanna is beginning to wean from breastfeeding, it is bitter-sweet… So I should cherish the nightly routine of her up EVERY HOUR, to feel her sweet little hand make its way to my lips for a kiss. To know that I am what comforts her; but the crying every hour on the hour… She is almost one and I feel like I’ve let her down, she is unable to sleep through the night. I watch her from the monitor, every twitch and every roll I wonder where I went wrong with her sleeping pattern. Then my heart aches that I get upset that she wakes so much… My heart aches that soon I wont be the only thing that comforts her, having her hand at my lips while feeding.

So here’s the truth not only for myself but for all parents… Take a breath… Soon those cries will be gone… Soon you’ll wonder where you baby went and what they are doing, who they are hanging out with and those first steps will be firsts jobs, first colleges, first grand-babies.

What do you do when your child is uncontrollably crying?

“I wont always cry, Mommy, when you leave the room.

And my supermarket tantrums will end too soon.

I wont always wake, Daddy, for cuddles through the night,

And one day you will miss having a chocolate face to wipe.

You wont always wake to find my foot is kicking you out of bed,

or find me sideways on your pillow where you want to lay your head.

You wont always have to carry me in asleep from the car,

or piggy back me down the road when my little legs can’t walk that far.

So Cherish every cuddle, remember them all. One day Mommy I won’t be this small.”


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