Posted in FAMILY TIME, Guilt, Mom life, Uncategorized

You are my world.

I fall upon my knees and begin to pray… I’m praying for a better life for my children and I. I’m praying for more days spent like these. The little fingers between mine as I hear your small voice “mommy love you”. It’s days like these I live for, though its few as I work to provide the very best for you. I sometimes wonder if it is the very best. A clean house and full fridge and clothes in the drawers is what I’m wishing for these days but as I drag myself up from the ground I remember the wash was left without being dried and now has that lovely musty smell. I remember that I forgot to get cheese for the sandwiches and that the kids room needs a good carpet clean. But where is the time?

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My emotions are all over the place from being proud of the fact my children are becoming more independent and that I am working harder then I ever have in my life to provide what I can for them alone. To the fact that I am upset that there is no relief. I cannot have my sick days because the bills are late and I am making sure they ate while I’m wondering what time it is in the darkness of a restaurant. As a waitress I live day to day, tip to tip and my hours are never consistent. I hugged my oldest so tight the other morning as she begged me to stay home from work; it was my sixth day in a row and she was still sleepy. I squeezed her face as she begged me to stay home, one more kiss after the last one more kiss I keep saying. The tears filling my eyes while I watch her tears fall. Does it have to be this hard?

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I leave pictures of my girls in my check presenter that I use to take orders. Each time I open I get a glance and remember why I am there, why I am taking attitudes and trying to make even just one persons day a little brighter. Don’t get me wrong though my job is very demanding and I could be replaced in a blink of an eye I hope that deep down I am doing something to make a difference. The crying child at my table over tired from a missed nap, that’s you Elle, as I kneel down and begin to interact with the child. Coloring and asking them to find the characters on their coloring sheet. As I watch an older sibling try to help their brother or sister I see the love in their eyes just like my oldest, Isabella. Though I am not seeing my children during my long shifts at work I have a constant reminder of why I am there.

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My phone is full of pictures from Halloween to the little amount of time we are off together. Play ground trips and girls nail time at home I flip through each as I lay exhausted in bed. You are my future and all my wishes and dreams have turned into hoping you make larger steps then I ever did. You are my world, my sunshine on a rainy day and my reason for each exhausting step I take dragging myself through my day.

 

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Author:

Hi everyone, My name is Melissa; I'm a mother of two beautiful girls, Elleanna and Isabella and also a girlfriend of a wonderful man named Geraldo. I'm originally from upstate New York but have moved around a bit in the past seven years. First was Florida where I met Geraldo and where my girls were born and we tried our luck in Southern Maryland. Now we are back home in Florida where we belong. This is my view on life, my family adventures, my adventures but most importantly my life.

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