It was taunting me as I rolled the grocery cart past it; after a day of swimming with the children my mind was banging like a drum. There in front of me, my weakness all neatly stored upon the shelf.
As I placed the 2 liter of Mountain Dew in my cart I knew I would fail. As the first sip of soda hit my tongue the regret built in my stomach; yet the craving was too good. It’s my weakness and I… I am my own worst enemy. Where is the will power? It’s been six days and I cracked… Six days of no soda and yet that temptation was too much for me. Maybe the screaming kids, maybe the aching tired cry my body is letting out or maybe the headache that was probably dehydration; but none the less I failed.
As I stand rocking my son tonight, his hands wrapped around my arms; I know I need to do better. No I dont mean just in drinking soda but in self love, self care and future goals. Maybe over the years I’ve lost a bit of that strive, but as I rock him gently back to sleep; I peek on my snuggled up princess hogging the bed and I walk down the hallway to place my first born back in bed. I wonder to myself, how have I been this blessed? I have three hearts that love me unconditionally. Three sets of eyes that look up to me and admire me. Then the anxiety speaks up in the back of my head; what do they have to admire?
Maybe it’s the memories I’m trying my best to create. Swimming on these hot summer days, or tourist like trips to Disney Springs. Soon they’ll have more. This is only day 2, so much work has yet to come; searching for that new me. Healthy me, happy me.