Guilt, Questions

Dear Self…

As the clock ticks, drawing closer to midnight worries of tomorrow… The week.. The year and years ahead come flying at me like a tornado swirling around my bedroom with guilt, memories, and what if’s. In the faint distance I hear Elleanna “Mommy, Mommy, Mom!” and reality sets in. The guilt that has been haunting me as my twenty-fifth birthday came upon me quickly. Though today it has been brought to a halt. It’s time to remind myself of who I am and who I will still become… Life’s not over at twenty-five it has only begun.


Dear twenty-five year old self,

Breath… You are doing the best you can for your daughters! You have worked your way up from many difficult challenges and painful moments that’s in the past. Again I will repeat that “IN THE PAST”! It’s time to stand proud and think about where you will be in twenty-five more years from now. Elleanna will be turning 27, Isabella will be 29.. Crazy to think that your babies will be adults with their own lifes and problems. But here’s to being twenty-five now; showing not only your daughters but the children of the family that though you stray from the so called right path you can always find a path that leads to a wonderful outcome…

Here’s your twenty-fifth year of life to do list:

  1. Remember yourself! Whether its the extra few minutes doing something to make yourself feel better such as hair or makeup or even just remembering your goals and dreams.
  2. Finish college! Show your daughters, your family but most importantly yourself that though you strayed from the path of finishing college multiple times for good times and for financial situations that you can bring yourself to further your education… Education has no end!
  3. Vacation… It’s been a long time Melissa take a break, sink your toes in the sand, see new breath taking views.
  4. Breath; take a step back and breath without letting the overwhelming situations that all adults are facing. Remember though you feel alone you are not there are many not only watching over you but also here by your side whether you speak everyday or not.
You are not wonder woman and the troubles of the world should not lay upon only your shoulders meaning you no longer have to feel as if you should take the world on alone.. There are many in your shoes, though walking different obstacles you will find yourself just like everyone does in time.
Now I will leave you with this… Remember this day is not just for you but for the ones that gave you life. The day you gave another meaning to their life just as Elleanna and Isabella give to you each and everyday you drag yourself out of bed… You clean after a long day at work… You call your college back and tell them to enroll you in classes… You do it not only for yourself but also those who want to see you succeed and the ones that look up to you.
“Mommy you are my best-friend” -Isabella
Standing by you always.
How will or have you dealt with getting older?

1 thought on “Dear Self…”

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